Best Toilets of 2010 (by John Hollenbeck)

In keeping with the upcoming "end of year" lists, I would like to offer my own.

Ladies and Gentlemen, (in no particular order):

John Hollenbeck’s BEST TOILETS OF 2010!

1) Zurn - LA Convention Center, site of the Grammy Awards; (also Newark Airport Terminal C): classy, smooth, but a little splattery for my tastes. (Special indentations for lines of coke are just for the LA version.) I was looking the other way, but Matt Moran claims that we drove past the Zurn factory somewhere deep in Texas. I was turned on (if I can really say that) to Zurn by Steve Feigenbaum, Cuneiform Records “grand poobah.”

2) Keramag - Karlsruhe Jazz Club, Germany: Can’t go wrong with a nice green background! Keramag’s hipness creates a comfortable atmosphere where one can easily get in a “zone”.

3) American Standard: classic Americana design. I’ve encountered this model at many of the best educational institutions in the US: UCLA, Indiana University, Oberlin…In fact the closest I ever came to John Cage was in a university bathroom as we both relieved (or is it relived) ourselves. Mr. Cage was getting on in years as was his prostate. I was not timing him, but I think it took him about 4 minutes and 33 seconds to complete the process.

4) Sphinx: the unofficial national toilet of Holland - it is like there is a toilet mafia in Holland. Almost everywhere you go, there are Sphinx toilets. The design is modern and quirky in a spacecakey kind of way (not that I would know anything about that.)

5) crane merit: I love that font! The Hollenbeck family toilet with a classic, northeastern-homey-Ivesian (actually very Iversonian too!)-ambient-vibe, gives you that homespun feeling of relieving yourself in front of a crackling fire and warm friends…yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

6) Ideal Standard: the official toilet of the Berlin Tegel Airport-such a hip little airport with hip little toilets. Unfortunately this airport will close in a few years, where will all the toilets go? (Isn’t that a song by Pete Seeger?)

7) Armitage Shanks: besides colonizing, one of the many things that the UK used to be good at was making toilets (there is another joke in there somewhere...Drew?) You can find this brand in any older building in the UK. I was especially taken with the dazzling array of them in the lobby of the Southbank Centre. Special judge’s prize for “best name.”

8) Pozzi-Ginori: A new star on the scene as far as I tell. This one is at the newly renovated Stadt Rosenheim Hotel, Munich (the “Jazzclub Unterfahrt” hotel). Check out the shape of this thing, it says (in Italian probably), “Don’t worry, I can hold a lot of s**t!”

Rising Star Toilets-for my money this is where the really vibrant stuff is! Just to see if you know your s**t, you tell me the names and locales of these hot designs! The winner gets a free Orchestre National de Jazz “Shut Up and Dance CD” (Claudia Quintet members NOT eligible!)

Disclaimer and Reclaimer:

I actually know very little about the history of toilets, so it is very possible that something like "Pozzi-Ginori" which I'm touting as a "new" thing could be a recreation of an older former avant-garde model and just new to me. If this is true, I expect to be told by the experts (I know you are out there!). In the world of music criticism, I often miss an "expert" analysis that is supported by a comprehensive knowledge of the history of jazz. Is Bob Brookmeyer, for example, identified as a 'mere influence' because most jazz journalists have not heard his music enough (especially the last 20 years of it!) to recognize it verbatim in various composers’ compositions? I wonder...how much history should we expect critics to know?

12/06/2010

Comments

[Jon Wertheim]

Beautiful. Like a dream.

[Joe Higham]

Well, nice to see John's favorite pick of toilets, even if just brand names. However, as a world traveller (that many musicians are) I'm surprised he didn't look a little further a classic toilets, being places rather than brand names. Here's just a sample of a few web pages dedicated to toilets, and some of them (the toilets, or bogs as we say in the UK) I can vouch for, or not as you could say.

http://static.hullcc.gov.uk/hullinprint/archive/october2002/a_right_royal.php
http://www.cromwell-intl.com/toilet/middle-east.html

I think there's even a famous toilets Twitter page!

[Tom Storer]

The title is misleading. Most of the pictures show urinals, not toilets!

[Steve]

I'm afraid that my jealousy is going to taint my comments - not only is Hollenbeck an extraordinary musician and composer, he isn't pee shy. I would settle for one of the three, especially the third, but as I enjoy none of these gifts, I'm just going to seek solace in deeper research for my book, 'Toilet Paper of the Americas'.

[RP]

So that's what Royal Toast is about!

[Kevin L.]

I've been in London the past few months and I too have enjoyed the Armitage Shanks models throughout the Royal College of Music.

I can't say the same for the toilets at the Barbican. They have some sort of avant-trough thing going, which probably was cool/futuristic/environmentally-friendly when it came out. Now it just reminds me of Wrigley Field in all the worst ways - all of the awkwardness and none of character. Come to think of it, it's more of a wall than a trough.

See for yourself, http://www.flickr.com/photos/21684721@N00/72816395

[Greg Hopkins]

Just wanted to "drop a line"
and say,
I'm "bowled" over
That's on hell of a "head" chart.
Makes me feel kind of "flushed" all over.
Some might say, "you're annal".
But I had to "toy-a-lot" with thses ideas.
Well, "got to go" now.
And sit on all this.
GHop

[Liam]

Toilet fans! You should make a pilgrimage to the Philarmonic pub in Liverpool. Can a pub toilet be any more beautiful? http://www.bbc.co.uk/liverpool/content/panoramas/philharmonic_pub_toilets_360.shtml

[Sarah D]

one of the best posts EVER on DTM. i particularly enjoyed the insight into the music of John Cage.

certainly it's infuriating when a critic ignores/downplays the contributions of someone you consider seminal. for example, i was angered that no squat toilets made this (very eurocentric) list. squat toilets are the norm throughout much of africa. they make a lot more sense, biomechanically, than do the seated toilets of the west.

yet this post illustrates a more important point. criticism is still writing, and writing needs to have voice. to me, "expertise" and "coverage" have been overemphasized. how can you sit on every toilet in the world? if you don't have a point of view, you will always miss the mark.

[Chris]

Agree with Sarah D's Eurocentric comment... how could there be no Japanese toilets on the list? Also, this *has* shed new light on Royal Toast. Now everytime i take a dump, which is frequently...

[Mark]

You have not lived until you've unloaded at the Madonna Inn off the 101 near San Luis Obispo, CA. It's located downstairs in the main lobby area.
http://www.madonnainn.com/index.php

[nate]

pretty awesome that john does this whole article and doesn't even plug his album. all the song names are toilet names...many included here. royal toast is the name, check it out.

[oliver]

i once toured the iran back in the days and fondly remember an airport in tehran where the toilet floor was made of beautiful, hand-painted tiles. randomly placed holes the size of a persian fig provided the dartboard of relief. now i just wished i had my geiger counter with me...

[godoggo]

The toilet/urinal thing doesn't really bother me as much as, say, the casual conflation of "crocodiles/alligators" in a list that gave a separate category to "Komodo Dragons," which is kind of like comparing a cigar cutter to "percussion." Maybe that list would have been accepted if someone had thought to run it past a taxonomist first? Sorry, sorry, this has been eating at me for a while, obviously.

Anyway, every jazz musician needs a jazz nickname, so I propose that henceforth you be known as "John" Hollenbeck.

[Ethan Iverson]

@godoggo: at last! "crocodiles/alligators" was intentional bait looking to spark outrage. What a relief that somebody noticed!

(list is here)

http://dothemath.typepad.com/dtm/2010/10/forumesque-2.html

[Richard]

Don't forget those German toilets with the little shelf in them. Those freaked me out the first time I saw them.

But....no backsplash.

And the magnificent urinals at the Old Town....

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304173704575578470472773184.html?KEYWORDS=old+town+bar

[sam]

are the Germans moving away from the shallow, big shelf model? this would represent a major paradigmatic shift and perhaps creeping globalization. always thought they had a deep-seated need to confront their end-product. very serious stuff